The next part I find it hard to write down even on paper. Which is silly because I know it's going to get even worse than that...before it gets better.
Last night I laid in bed forever last night, with the past just haunting me. Wanting to go back, then at the same time unable to believe that I was THAT person. But knowing deep down I still am THAT person.
My little 21 month old daughter is still sleeping, Thank God. My son is being awesome for me and is watching cartoons. I slept 3 hours I think last night, with my husband laying beside me snoring loudly.
I just feel like............................................................................ to top it all off I am going to visit one of my friends, that will actually be brought up in the next part. And I know the memories that will induce. All I can think is FUCK.
The person we were in the past does not have to define who we are now. :)
ReplyDeleteAlice, Zombie couldn't have said it any better!
ReplyDeleteAt least you're trying to make sense of the world around you and that can only be applauded. Most people choose to ignore the past or blame others for their failings in life, you haven't done that.
My years of alcohol, drugs and abuse have made me into the strong, independent person that I am today. It's not easy and there is still a lot of crap to deal with but you are so doing the right thing. Just by writing this blog, you are already making a change for the better. :0)